The Adventures of YOUTHFUL GREEN SPANDEX MAN
by DeejaVu
Summary: Fighting for youth and beautiful black hair, Gai vows to defeat old age and gray hair! *dramatic theme music* It's YOUTHFUL GREEN SPANDEX MAN! Crackfic, rated for the mention of magic.
1. Chapter 1

**The Adventures of YOUTHFUL GREEN SPANDEX MAN**

**A/N: Don't do crack. Unless it's hilarious crack fiction. In that case, go crazy, hmm! **

--

_Silently, our heroic hero examined his magical flower full of magic dust and other magical magic stuff. He tapped it a few times, then jumped to the middle of the street. Another publicity stunt!_

_"Fear not, Konoha! It is I, your YOUTHFUL BLUE BEAST MAN!" Gai leapt out in his ridiculous red cape and green spandex, and a sparkly red mask. That particular day, he decided to wear his red briefs on the outside, since all crack superheroes do that. Just look at Superman! But Gai had more aspirations than Superman. He planned on saving the world from old age and grey hair!_

_Back to the scene, a few people glanced at Gai, but mostly ignored him. They had seen this before. Gai fumed silently. They would learn! He really was a superhero! He pulled out his magical lotus and popped in front of an old lady._

_"Greetings, old lady! You look old and your hair is grey!" Gai said proudly. The old lady scowled and bopped him on the head with her purse._

_"You dare to call me old, young whippersnapper?!" The old lady yelled, hitting Gai on the head with each word. "Get out of my sight!" The old lady toddled off, still mumbling about crazy whippersnappers with no fashion sense. Gai looked crestfallen._

_"Wait!" Out green spandex warrior said. "I shall amend that! With my MAGIC LOTUS OF YOUTH!!" He sprayed the lady with magic dust and other magical magic stuff and the lad was instantly young again! The lady cheered._

_"Thank you, Youthful Green Spandex Man!" Gai gave her his nice guy pose and flew off into the sunset, nearly running into a flying bison on the way._

--

"Well, well, whaddya think?" Gai and Team Gai were sitting at Lee's house, watching Gai's home video of Youthful Green Spandex Man. Lee immediately started crying as soon as it ended.

"It...it was...beautiful, Gai-sensei!" Gai teared up too.

"Really, Lee?"

"Gai-sensei!"

"Lee!"

"Gai-sensei!"

"Lee!" The two green shinobi hugged through their tears. Neji and Tenten sweatdropped.

"Gai-sensei, you taped yourself in a ridiculous costume, puffing glitter at some lady and using a genjutsu to make her appear young again."

"Noooo, that flower is MAGIC. Not genjutsu, not ninjutsu. MAGIC." Gai corrected, sounding very much like a stubborn little kid.

"Right." Neji shook his head and sighed. "Can we leave now? My uncle will kill me if I'm late again."

"Yeah! And I have to write to my miserly evil grandfather Kakuzu to get him to give me more money!" The entire room(furniture included) looked at Tenten. "I should probably give someone his address, huh, since he's an evil guy who we're trying to kill..." Tenten trailed off before running out the door. Neji rolled his eyes and left the house. Gai popped his tape out of the VCR(Are they behind times or WHAT, no Blu-Ray, no HD-DVD, nothing. Not even a lousy DVD player.) and smiled at Lee, who was busy wiping his face.

"Well, Lee, since Neji and Tenten are gone, I will ask you. Will you be my sidekick?"

"Yes, Gai-sensei!" Lee pumped his fist in the air.

"Then I will see you tomorrow at the marketplace, suited up in your costume and ready to fight old age and grey hair! For I am YOUTHFUL BLUE BEAST MAN!"

"Really? Everyone was calling you Youthful Green Spandex Man on the tape..." Gai gave Lee a look. "Um...never mind. And I am...LOTUS BOY!!" The two gave their nice guy poses and Gai vanished.

--

**A/N: Gai has a sidekick! What new shenanigans will Youthful Green Spandex and Lotus Boy get into?! I finally took a break from the serious Lightning Saga to finally write some crack. Then back to the action!  
**


	2. Chapter 2

**The Youthful Adventures of Youthful Green Spandex Man (and Lotus Boy)**

**A/N: Heh. Time for the insanity to end. Because there's a new villain in town. Will Youthful Green Spandex Man be able to stop this new evil?**

--

"Ah, isn't this great, Lotus Boy?"

"You bet it is, Youthful Blue Beast Man!" Gai nodded, determined to be called Youthful Blue Beast Man at all costs. They stood proudly in the middle of Konoha Square, the main marketplace of the Village Hidden in the Leaves. Lee's costume consisted of his usual green jumpsuit, whit briefs on the outside, and a giant lotus-shaped headpiece with a white mask in front. A few people snickered when they saw them, but more stood in awe of the magic dust and other magical magic stuff of Gai's MAGIC LOTUS OF YOUTH. They both grinned and waved every so often. In the past week and a half, the two spandex warriors had slowly become Konoha's number one magic superheroes. And no one ever knew their identities. Well, except for the smart people, which was a good 76 of the Konoha population. But that didn't matter. They were the unstoppable Youth Duo, able to stop old age in it's tracks and make it pee its pants and run away in utter terror and disgrace. Until one day...

"Kakashi-sensei, Kakashi-sensei! Can we please see what your face looks like? Pretty please?" Kakashi shook his head.

"No."

"Come on!!" Naruto and Sakura stood in front of Kakashi, but he side-stepped around them and kept walking. Naruto and Sakura made another wall again, but Kakashi continued to ignore them, nose still buried in Make Out International(the latest in the series). Gai pointed at Kakashi, then leapt in front of him, Lee not far behind.

"Halt, Eternal Rival Kakashi! I shall defeat you, your old face, and your grey hair with my MAGIC LOTUS OF YOUTH!" Gai shook his flower at Kakashi and sprayed him with magic dust and other magical magic stuff. He took one look at the flower, then at the magic dust and other magical magic stuff, and sneezed.

"Nice outfit, Gai. Is it Halloween already?"

"No, my friend, it is not! For I am YOUTHFUL BLUE BEAST MAN!"

"And I'm his sidekick, LOTUS BOY!" Both did their nice guy poses, and Sasuke, Sakura, and Kakashi all sweatdropped. Naruto, however...

"OMG!! Real superheroes!" Naruto's eyes turned starry. "Can I have your autographs?!" He asked, pulling out a paper and pen out of nowhere. Before they could sign it however, Sakura snatched the paper and ripped it up.

"Don't you see, baka?! It's just Gai and Lee in funny costumes!"

"But...but...they can fly!!"

"No, they can't." Sasuke growled, his emo-ness reaching an all-time high. "They're just ninja jumping."

"No! They are FLYING!!" Naruto floated in the air for a few moments before crashing back down. Sasuke gave him an irritated look and dropped it to continue being emo.

"You are a great believer, Naruto! One day, you shall gain the power of youth!"

"Thank you, Youthful Green Spandex Man!" Naruto's eyes went starry again and Sakura slapped her (GIANT) forehead with her palm.

"Teme." Sakura sighed.

"Kids, go away! Youthful Blue Beast Man has important business with his Eternal Rival, Kakashi!" Gai announced. Lee laughed and grabbed Sakura's waist.

"Now that I'm a super hero, will you date me?" Sakura gagged and Sasuke started growling.

"Lee! You crazy loop!"

"Let go. Of my girlfriend." Lee sighed.

"Right." Lee dropped his arm and started crying. "I'm not a loop..."

"Oh I'm sorry Lee." Sakura started sarcastically. "You're not a loop..." Lee brightened up. "You're a FRUIT loop."

"Gai, seriously, THIS is what you came up with? There is no way on Earth I would do that!" Gai drooped.

"Please? I'll owe you one..." Gai grinned convincingly. Kakashi huffed.

"Owe me five and it's a deal." Gai jumped in the air.

"Deal!"

--

**A/N: Wow. You can already sense the rivalry coming!**


End file.
